It's like a man-crush buffet.
The man-crush.
We all have one—it’s okay.
Developing and maintaining the man-crush is an art form—not unlike turning clay into a sculpture or a blank canvas into a masterpiece.
Some may showcase their man-crushes by declaring allegiance to “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob.” Others may celebrate the release of any George Clooney, Matt Damon or Brad Pitt movie—not too mention the three instances in which all three actors appeared in the same “Ocean’s” movies.
Some men are comfortable admitting their celebrity man-crushes, while others continue to remain in the man-crush closet.
Many man-crushes are those on the silver-screen, but for a large majority of men, their man-crushes may come in the form of a professional athlete. So please, let’s put aside all egos and bashfulness as we discuss the five steps of picking a professional athlete man-crush.
1. You only get one
Sorry, but multiple man-crushes are not permitted. You get one man-crush across the professional sports board. More than one man-crush can lead to confusion and conflicts of interest.
This intensifies the decision making process and requires deep thought and effort when choosing. Say you are an Atlanta Hawks fan and you choose Joe Johnson as your man-crush (with his 21.5 points per game and electrifying skills, not a bad choice). If you then decide to choose Atlanta Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan as another man-crush, you run the risk of having to decide between the two on certain days of the year–due to the crossover of the NFL and the NBA seasons.
And just like women, you can’t be having to decide between two man-crushes.
Keep it to one.
2. He must be from your favorite team
What’s the point of having a man-crush from another team? An obvious part of the man-crush is rooting for the athlete to succeed.
Along with being on your favorite team, he must also be a current player on your team. If I’m a Green Bay Packers fan and my man-crush was at one time Brett Favre, as of three years ago, I would be required to change my man-crush.
A Yankees fan can not utilize any Red Sox player as a man-crush candidate. Likewise, if you are not a fan of the Cavs or the Lakers, you can not play the man-crush card on LeBron or Kobe.
Say I were a Utah Jazz fan (I am); my obvious man-crush choice would be All-Star Deron Williams (he is). Williams is averaging 18.6 points and 10.3 assists per game, and has been the face of a Jazz franchise that currently sits just 4.5 games back of the West number one seed.
But by utilizing the man-crush card on Williams, I would then be prohibited from using it on other players on other teams—sorry Chris Paul.
In journalism, reporters look to avoid topics and events that may cause a conflict of interest. Likewise, in choosing a man-crush, you must avoid conflicts of interest.
Keep it to your team.
3. He must be good
Only one of the players in this picture is a legitimate man-crush candidate.
Don’t waste your man-crush on someone who can’t hit the broad side of a barn. There’s a reason Gary Coleman is nobody’s celebrity man-crush.
“But he’s so nice.”
So what? Nice doesn’t equate a worthy man-crush. Niceness can certainly enhance a man-crush’s appeal, but it should in no wise be the foundation.
Your man-crush must possess all-star or near all-star statistics and capabilities. Nothing against Josh McRoberts of the Indiana Pacers, but 3.7 points, 2.4 rebounds, and 0.8 assists in just over 10 minutes per game aren’t exactly man-crush-worthy statistics.
Your man-crush must be at least a viable part of the team.
4. Don’t be shy
Be proud of your man-crush. Don’t shy away from the chance to let others know your feelings. Feel free to let your sensitivity towards your man-crush be a major part in your attempts to pick up women.
Buy the merchandise and cheer louder when your player jukes a defender and drives the lane for a dunk. Go crazy when your man-crush leaves a linebacker in the dust en route to a touchdown. Let loose when your guy strikes out the side or leaves the yard in a June regular season MLB game.
The Jazz’s Kyle Korver may seem like more of a ladies’ man-crush. But don’t think there aren’t men who employ Korver as their man-crush. Don’t hesitate to wear his jersey and taunt opposing players with it after a long-range three.
Stay proud.
5. Don’t be creepy
That said, there’s a fine line between not being shy and being creepy. Stay away from creeping out those close to you or the athlete himself when cheering and supporting your man-crush. A jersey or a player t-shirt is completely acceptable. But longing to have their actual jersey or used sweatbands crosses over to the creepy side.
Just because Kevin Durant has Oklahoma City in the playoff mix and dropped in 29 points in the Thunder’s recent win over the New Orleans Hornets doesn’t mean you can hack his Blackberry or poke him on Facebook. Play it cool. Be proud, but don’t be creepy.
Keep it friendly.
There’s the rules. By adhering to these suggestions and steps, you won’t have to find your man-crush. He’ll find you.
So, get to work on developing the craft, Michelangelo.
I miss my Clyde Drexler of Portland man-crush. I haven’t had one since and that makes me sad.
Clyde the Glide is an excellent man-crush…and old-school man-crush if you will.
I can understand, Felipe, how you haven’t had one since. Those are tough shoes to fill!
D-Will. All the way. And I think a guy with a Korver jersey is grounds for dismissal. One of the guys I play ball with has a Korver jersey and I need to inform him that only girls and toddlers are allowed to wear those. Korver ain’t good enough to warrant a dude wearing his jersey over:
D
Booz
AK
Memo
Debatable: Paul and Wesley.
Of course, I’m just being a jerk.
Does a man-crush have to be on a current player? Can a 40-year old dude still have one on Roger Craig (even with Frank Gore and Adrian Peterson on his co-favorite teams)…which brings up another question:
Can a fan like both the Vikings and 49ers equally?